The death of a loved one is difficult for anyone to process, but for children, the experience can be especially confusing and emotional. The guidance of caring adults plays a vital role in helping children grieve in a healthy, supported way.
Talking to children about grief and death
Use clear and honest language
When telling a child that someone has died, avoid euphemisms such as ‘passed away’ or ‘gone to sleep’. These phrases can be confusing, especially for younger children.
Use clear, age-appropriate language: for example: ‘I have some very sad news. Grandpa died today.’
Be honest and direct while remaining gentle and kind.
Allow time and space for the child to react, ask questions or express emotions.
Reassure their fears
The death of a parent or close family member may shake a child’s sense of security. Children may worry about losing other loved ones. While you can’t promise this won’t happen, reassure them with stability and care. Let them know there is a plan in place, and that they are safe and supported.
Helping children understand death
Children process grief differently based on their age and developmental stage.
Children under six
Younger children may not understand that death is permanent. They may believe the person could return if they behave or follow certain rules. Children of this age might display ‘puddle jumping’ – quickly switching between sadness and play. Their grief may appear later, through sudden tantrums or outbursts or changes in sleep, appetite or behaviour
Support strategies:
Use creative outlets such as drawing or painting to help them express emotions.
Spend time observing their behaviour and offer comfort as needed.
School-aged children
Children of this age generally understand that death is permanent but they may have many questions. Emotions can include fear, sadness, confusion, or even numbness, and they may struggle to express themselves openly.
Support strategies:
Encourage open conversations in a calm, safe environment.
Reassure them that all feelings are valid and normal.
Let them take the lead in how and when they want to talk.
Coping with grief in everyday life
Maintain boundaries and routines
Children need consistency. Continue to set clear boundaries and expectations.
While grief may affect behaviour, do not excuse inappropriate actions. Instead, explain that everyone is still responsible for their choices.
Routine and structure provide a sense of security.
Be mindful of your own grief
Children often take emotional cues from adults around them.
While it’s okay to show sadness, try not to overwhelm the child with your emotions.
Give them the space to experience and express grief in their own way.
Practical ways to support a grieving child
Create a memory box
A memory box helps children feel connected to the person who has died.
Include: photographs, small objects from shared experiences, letters or handwritten notes.
Encourage the child to choose items that are meaningful to them.
Inform the school
Notify your child’s teachers or school staff about the bereavement.
Ask if the school can offer extra emotional support or adjustments during this time.
This helps educators understand and respond to any changes in your child’s behaviour.
Encourage rituals and goodbyes
Rituals can help children say goodbye and find closure. Options include:
attending a memorial or funeral service
lighting a candle or planting a tree
participating in religious or spiritual traditions.
Prepare them in advance by explaining what will happen during the ceremony.
Keep the memory alive
Talk openly about the person who has died.
Share happy stories and memories together.
Let the child know that it’s okay to remember and talk about the person – doing so can bring comfort and preserve connection.
Getting help
Grieving is a deeply personal process, and there’s no single way to do it. Some children may need extra support beyond what family and friends can offer.
Helpful resources include:
Child Bereavement UK: Offers guidance, counselling and support services for grieving children and their families.
Your child’s school or GP may also be able to recommend bereavement support services in your area.
If you're concerned about your child's wellbeing, don't hesitate to reach out for help. You're not alone, and support is available.